I’ll dive straight in & say: You’re grieving.
I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you are.
How do you feel when you read that?
Do you feel reassured that you can label how you’re feeling, or are you afraid of grief, perhaps you’ve read about it, you know people who’ve struggled to grieve & you certainly don’t want that to be you? What you really want is someone to wave a magic wand so that you’ll be back to normal.
I have good news and bad news.
First the bad news
We each experience and express grief differently & there is only one rule: You must go through it.
I’m sorry, I’m guessing you probably didn’t want to hear that either.
I chose those words deliberately because there are no magic wands, there is work to be done & only you can do it.
And (sorry more bad news), it’s not just grief; it’s childless grief. Unlike grieving for a family member or friend, you’re grieving for something you never had, a dream of how you thought your life would be. I’m guessing that your family and friends might not have known you were trying for children, so they won’t know that you’re grieving. And even if they do know, they probably won’t understand.
And now the good news
There is good news, mainly that grief work will transform you like no other work you ever do.
I say this from my own experience & from the other stories I share in Finding Joy.
I was brought up not to show my feelings & for many years I bottled up my childless grief & from the loss of both parents.
Now I’ve done my grief work I realise now numb I used to be. These days I feel more of everything & by opening myself up to feeling grief, I’ve let so much more happiness and joy into my life. For the first time in my life I feel comfortable in my own skin & a number of people have said I look 10 years younger.
You can read more below
You can read the blogs I’ve written about childless grief below.
And there’s more in my book, Finding Joy Beyond Childlessness
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