Childless Grief

I’ll dive straight in & say: You’re grieving.

I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you are.

How do you feel when you read that?

Do you feel reassured that you can label how you’re feeling, or are you afraid of grief, perhaps you’ve read about it, you know people who’ve struggled to grieve & you certainly don’t want that to be you? What you really want is someone to wave a magic wand so that you’ll be back to normal.

I have good news and bad news.

First the bad news

We each experience and express grief differently & there is only one rule: You must go through it.

I’m sorry, I’m guessing you probably didn’t want to hear that either.

I chose those words deliberately because there are no magic wands, there is work to be done & only you can do it.

And (sorry more bad news), it’s not just grief; it’s childless grief. Unlike grieving for a family member or friend, you’re grieving for something you never had, a dream of how you thought your life would be. I’m guessing that your family and friends might not have known you were trying for children, so they won’t know that you’re grieving. And even if they do know, they probably won’t understand.

And now the good news

There is good news, mainly that grief work will transform you like no other work you ever do.

I say this from my own experience & from the other stories I share in Finding Joy.

I was brought up not to show my feelings & for many years I bottled up my childless grief & from the loss of both parents.

Now I’ve done my grief work I realise now numb I used to be. These days I feel more of everything & by opening myself up to feeling grief, I’ve let so much more happiness and joy into my life. For the first time in my life I feel comfortable in my own skin & a number of people have said I look 10 years younger.

You can read more below

You can read the blogs I’ve written about childless grief below.

And there’s more in my book, Finding Joy Beyond Childlessness

I’m sorry but you’re grieving

By Lesley / April 7, 2020 / 8

I don’t know about you, but these past few weeks have been really hard. Although both of us have been working from home for several years, this FEELS completely different. … Read more I’m sorry but you’re grieving

Living with Amazing Grace

By Lesley / October 7, 2019 / 0

‘Today the statistics for early miscarriage are shocking; one in four pregnancies end in loss. And for many there never is an answer or a reason why they lost their … Read more Living with Amazing Grace

The surprising benefits of acceptance

By Lesley / September 18, 2019 / 6

In my last blog I asked you to let go of your dream of motherhood and today I’d like to dig deeper into another huge subject which comes with letting … Read more The surprising benefits of acceptance

What could happen if you let go?

By Lesley / September 17, 2019 / 0

You’ve probably noticed that the leaves are starting to turn colour and days are getting shorter. This can only mean one thing; Autumn is here. Or if you’re reading this … Read more What could happen if you let go?

The 2 Ps of grieving

By Lesley / August 27, 2019 / 8

This month I have an article published in Yoga Magazine called ‘How Yin (yoga) helped me grieve’ (you can read it here). It’s the most open, honest & vulnerable pieces … Read more The 2 Ps of grieving

How Yin (Yoga) helped me grieve

By Lesley / August 19, 2019 / 0

Below is the transcript of an article which was published in the August 2019 edition of Yoga Magazine. It’s called ‘How Yin (Yoga) helped me grieve.’ I wrote it from … Read more How Yin (Yoga) helped me grieve

150 blogs later and it all boils down to one question

By Lesley / August 7, 2018 / 6

As I started to write I realised this is my 150th blog, so what better time to look back and consider what I’ve learned during the almost 5 ½ years … Read more 150 blogs later and it all boils down to one question

Realising that grief isn’t the enemy

By Lesley / July 27, 2018 / 4

Here’s my story called ‘Realising that grief isn’t the enemy ‘ which was published in the August 2018 edition of Happiful Magazine. “After years of hiding her feelings of sadness … Read more Realising that grief isn’t the enemy

The secret to finding peace

By Lesley / March 13, 2018 / 6

“Here it comes again, my daily weep. I don’t want to cry again. My chest feels so heavy with that all pervading sadness. I’ve worked SO hard over the last … Read more The secret to finding peace

Feeling my way through grief

By Lesley / October 9, 2017 / 10

You’re walking down the High Street when completely out of the blue something catches your eye and immediately you feel the grip of grief tightening. It’s like a volcano in … Read more Feeling my way through grief

Reflections on Grief and Feeling by Sarah Chamberlin @Infertility Honesty

By Lesley / July 23, 2017 / 10

My first brush with the pain of loss I’ll never forget my first real brush with the pain of loss.  It was after our fourth IUI failed when my tectonic … Read more Reflections on Grief and Feeling by Sarah Chamberlin @Infertility Honesty

Thank you Prince Harry – that’s my story too

By Lesley / April 18, 2017 / 8

It’s not every day that your life experience is the same as a member of the Royal Family, but I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I listened to … Read more Thank you Prince Harry – that’s my story too

Allowing myself to fall

By Lesley / October 31, 2016 / 18

I was recently asked ‘how long does it take to ‘get over’ the grief of being childless?’ And my answer: ‘how long do you want it to be?’ I say … Read more Allowing myself to fall

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