Four ways to improve your life as a childless woman

Last week we were in a restaurant in Bulgaria where my husband was skiing and the song ‘Its a wonderful, wonderful life’ was played and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. You may know it, the chorus is;

‘No need to run and hide,

it’s a wonderful, wonderful life.

No need to hide and cry,

it’s a wonderful, wonderful life’

And I realised – yes it is.

I hadn’t ever really thought of my life as ‘wonderful,’ I mean it’s a BIG, BIG word. But when I take a little time to consider it, yes it is.

So think for a minute and answer this;

‘How is my life wonderful?’

and if wonderful is just too big, pick a different word, maybe ‘great, good or okay’ or something else that feels right to you. And if that’s also too much of a stretch just now, how about?

‘What could I do to make my life wonderful/great/good/okay?’

Not sure?

Here’s what I think is wonderful about my life as a childless woman. The two biggest positives about not having children are the FREEDOM and FLEXIBILITY I have.

Think about it for a minute; your life is definitely more flexible than if you had children. And you also have more freedom.

These are absolutes.

They may not be welcome and are obviously not what you wanted, but they’re a given.

So here’s the BIG question;

‘What are you choosing to do with your freedom and flexibility?

Life is about choices and for a few years after we finished IVF I chose to carry on with my life as it was. For a while freedom and flexibility felt like big heavy weights dragging me down and too much responsibility o face up to. Now I appreciate the benefits and the opportunities they bring to my life.

Now I am making the most of the freedom and flexibility I have to BE who I want to be and DO what I want to do.

I gave up my job, trained in NLP and now use my knowledge and life experiences to support others. I’m still learning and exploring my inner and outer worlds and I’ve quite forgotten where comfort zone used to be. For the first time in many years I love what I do and it fits with who I am and my values.

There are other childless women I know who’ve done something similar (and not quite so radical).

Here are some other ways that I benefit from freedom and flexibility in my life:

  • I don’t have to plan ahead, both my husband and I can be out separately or together in the evening,
  • We watch what we want on the TV, or can turn it off and read or listen to music (of our choice),
  • The house is tidy and so beautifully quiet,
  • We eat what we want, when we want,
  • We have our holidays in term time (even go to Bulgaria and listen to 80s music) and often go to places or do things that would be hard with children,
  • We are able to spend more time with our parents,

I’m doing my best to make the most of my life.

How could you make your life wonderful?

Think about the opportunities that freedom and flexibility give you. I’m not suggesting that you do anything big. Start small. Here are some ideas to get you started.

1.  What’s one small thing you can do today/this week that you couldn’t do if you had children?

For example tomorrow I’m at a conference and I will stay into the evening, even though my husband is also out.

2. What’s something you really enjoy that you haven’t done for a long time? Malham Cove

Think about what you liked to do as a child, what hobbies you used to enjoy and gave up, and also what did you love to do so much that you forgot the passage of time? I loved to sing at school and joining a choir has brought so much joy to my life.

3. Which special place could you go to that haven’t been to for a while?

Think about where you go that inspires you, calms you, or energises you. I always better after a walk in the country with grass under my feet, and a really special place for me is Malham Cove in the Yorkshire Dales.

4. What new thing could you learn; what have you always wanted to do?

You know how great you feel when you’ve achieved something, so what could you do that challenges you? Maybe there’s a complicated recipe that you’ve wanted to try, or some other creative project. I’ve recently started to meditate which is proving to be quite a challenge.

I’m sure you can think of other small ways you can start on the path to making your life wonderful

what a wonderful life I've had2I recently came across the story of the French author Sidonie Gabrielle Collette (better known as Collette, who wrote the novel Gigi). A few years before she died and after seeing a documentary about her life she said; ‘what a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realised it sooner’

It’s great that she realised that she’d had a wonderful life, and a shame that she didn’t appreciate it when it was happening, don’t you think? How much better would it be to decide now what your wonderful life is and consciously make it that way?

You wouldn’t want to get to the end of your life and think if only….., would you?

For those of you who were wondering, ‘It’s a wonderful, wonderful life’ was sung by Black (I’d never have guessed either) and released in 1987.

Over to you

What are you going to do to improve your life?

I and other childless women would love to know so please leave your comments and ideas below.

If you find this daunting or you’re not sure what action to take, I’d love to help you. You can book a complimentary session via my online diary or leave a message on my contact page and we can spend 20 to 30 minutes to get clarity on how we can work together to create a life you love.

And if you leave your email at the top of the page you’ll be the first to hear about more articles like this and, as a bonus you’ll get the confidence e-book.

2 thoughts on “Four ways to improve your life as a childless woman”

  1. My kinda wonderful is freedom and flexibility and I exploited that by completely changing my life…it us turning out to be wonderful and I have moved from ‘surface happy’ to a deep sense of comfort and happiness and have finally grieved most of the pain of not being a mom…though I am sure it will bite me on butt every once in a while!
    Lisa McLoughlin recently posted…Dreamboarding lightly…;)My Profile

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