It’s good that we don’t have children

A couple of weeks ago I heard myself say these words, they sort of came out on their own and took me by surprise. My first reaction was to consider reframing them into ‘it’s convenient’ or it’s helpful’ BUT I didn’t because, when I thought about it, it IS good.

If you’ve been reading the inspirational stories you’ll have read the following phrases:

‘…… I am grateful that I am childless. Thankful even.’

‘I’m really at peace with where I am in my life.’

‘….. there are times when I’m actually glad it worked out this way.’

‘I appreciate all the unique aspects of my life today, and I make every effort to live in the present and to live fully.’

‘Now I can actually say that I am truly happy that it all worked out as it did.’

‘I am in a place of happiness that I never believed possible.’

And that’s from just five stories.

So (here’s the big question), what would have to happen for one of these phrases to be true for you?

Perhaps we should back up a bit; maybe my question should be ‘you do want to live a fulfilled life don’t you?’

If the answer is no, stop reading now.

Thank you for carrying on, I’m so glad you did.

So on the basis that you do want to live a fulfilled life, let’s play. Pick one of the above phrases that resonates with you. Think about it and then speak it out loud.

  • How hard/easy is it to say? Can you feel resistance and what’s it like?
  • Imagine it is true and the resistance has gone. Imagine it until you get a picture and strong feelings. How great do you feel? Who will you be, what will you be doing and what will you have in your life?

Thinking about that positive and fulfilled you in relation to where you are now.

  • How close is she?
  • Can you reach out and touch her, or is she too far away?

stepping stones 1My truth is something like;

‘I am grateful that I am childless.

I’m at peace with who and where I am in my life,

I appreciate the opportunities that I have and I do my best to live a full life.’

When I say it I feel peaceful and calm, it sounds and feels right for me.

[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”700px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]A couple of years ago I could never have imagined being as open about my life as I am now. The prospect of saying those words was unthinkable; I felt like I was standing on a wobbly stepping stone half way across the river and was too scared to take the next step.

Now I’ve crossed and am standing firmly on the other side. I got my feet wet from time to time and some of the steps were wobbly, and I’ve made it to solid ground.[/dropshadowbox]

So you’ve imagined who you could be and you can see how far away she is.

And (apologies, but you know I have to ask) what are you going to do to bridge the gap?

stepping stonesIf you’ve read the inspirational stories you’ll also have noticed that they all DID something to get to the positive place they are now. Maybe it was writing, a workshop or 1-1 support.

My guess is that they all spent some time standing in the middle of the river wishing and hoping that they would miraculously be transported to the other side BUT, but in the end they knew (as you do) that that had to DO something.

I spent almost ten years part way across and in the end I got the help I needed to take me to the positive place I am now.

Nothing makes me sadder than knowing so many childless women who are lost and not showing up in their lives.

I know you’ve been through a lot; you’ve lost yourself and been changed in the process (this is also something that all the writers agreed on).

And, if you’re still reading I’m guessing that you also feel like you’re standing part way across the river. You can see the other side, you want to go there but you don’t how.

And don’t you think it’s time to do something about it?

It’s time to reclaim the you that’s been hidden, or maybe to find the new, changed you.

If you want to fully embrace life, knowing who you really are and being comfortable in your own skin BUT aren’t sure how, then take a look ay the Let Go and Move On Programme.

It’s a unique programme using a combination of my experience and knowledge of NLP techniques. At the end you will know who you truly are and be comfortable in your own skin, be prepared to speak about your life should you wish to. And most importantly you will be able to see your future opening up and be ready to walk into it with confidence.

So let me ask you again.

You really want to be able to say ‘I love who I am and my life’ so what are you going to do about it?

Over to you

If you want to find the real you but don’t know how, and you’d like to explore whether this is the programme for you, go ahead and book a completely FREE no obligation twenty to thirty minute phone or Skype call via my online diary.

You can ask any questions you want so that you can decide if this is the best support for you. The hard sell is not my style, and even if you decide not to go head I know you’ll gain something positive from our conversation.

And if you have reached the other side, leaving a comment below will help other women learn from your experience.

8 thoughts on “It’s good that we don’t have children”

  1. Your posts are always touching. I love to share them because I know so many women who make themselves sick with sadness about not having had children. In a way, any regret that we hold onto can make us feel miserable. Your questions are true for any part of life that we can’t forgive ourselves for. It’s so important to let go and to say yes to what is. Thanks for holding your wisdom for the many who still suffer. I hope they get to work with you.
    Miriam Linderman recently posted…Why Women With Body-Food Issues Don’t Trust Their PartnersMy Profile

    • Thank you so much for your touching comments Miriam,
      And yes you’re so right that it’s so important to let go and to say yes to what is.

      Lesley x

  2. Yes, great questions Lesley and reframe . When I was in the middle of this storm, a programme or a buddy would have been soo helpful as we often feel sooo isolated and alone, even from ourselves.
    In latter years, some of my reframe has come from examining the labels I put upon myself .. I have come to understand that all aspects of being human in within each and every one of us… So when I labelled myself as childless , I cut myself off from the mother and nurturer inside of me… As I explored the aspects of being a mother, such as, nurturer or providing mothers milk to a baby, I was able to slowly look at ways I could nurture and nourish myself and others in my life… So I tended vegetable plots, crafted and became involved in nutritious food and obtained nourishment from enjoying other peoples children or helping others to grow and develop one way… When we stand in awe or envy of mothers we give our power away to them and no longer see our mothering qualities…well this is just a snippet of my experience … If I give a false impression that I sm okay being childless , then I am burying that part if me that is upset being childless … So I am happy now to say I am childless and I accept that I am sad that I am, but I also see I am happy that I am not too so I make different choices.. But , for me, i have to own my sadness, but acknowledge I have an amazing life anyway.. Lisa xx
    Lisa Mcloughlin recently posted…Dropping my anchorMy Profile

    • Thanks for your comment Lisa,
      It’s great that you’ve examined the labels & how to nurture and nourish yourself and others, that’s a fabulous way to move forwards. And I’m so glad that you have a fabulous life now.
      As an aside I agree with you about the term childless’ & I don’t use ‘I am childless’, my problem was about capability so I’m more likely to say ‘we couldn’t have children’

  3. Thank you Lesley for this touching post and for sharing your empathy and wisdom with your community. Now it’s my turn to be a bit brave. I read your posts, I love them, sometimes I weep – but I do have 2 children and I feel guilty about that when I’m on here. Eeek, there – I said it. Have you written any posts speaking directly to the likes of me? I’m not childless or infertile but I don’t want to intensify any pain experienced by those who are. Is there a right or wrong way for me to be? A right or wrong thing for me to say? x

    • Wow Lisa, thanks so much for being brave and honest, I REALLY appreciate your comments and that you take the time to read my blogs.
      I’m so pleased that you do.
      What to say… firstly, please, please, please don’t feel guilty.
      In terms of how to speak to others, I haven’t written a blog about that yet, will do sometime. Firstly, take your lead fromm the other person, let them be the first to introduce it, if they say something, then reply with empathy, if they never mention why they don’t have children, then steer clear.
      If you’re speaking to someone you know is struggling, talk about anything but your children & definitely no ‘miracle baby’ stories.
      I think you’ll know what to say when the time comes, empathy and compassion are key. (I think that might be the topic of another blog post……)
      Thanks again Lisa, Lesley x

  4. Heartfelt and powerful post as ever Lesley, thank you.
    And thank you to Lisa for raising this important point for those of us who aren’t childless – I love reading your posts Lesley, but I too feel a bit guilty commenting on here because I have a child.
    Yet I know the pain of loss of another kind – my husband died just after our daughter was born.
    I love your posts because they speak to the recovery that is absolutely possible from a place of deep loss and grief for a life you ‘thought’ you would have, and the joy and fulfilment you can create in your life when you begin to live from possibility and choice, rather than regret.
    I know that path, because I’ve walked it too… but for a different reason.
    Thankyou for being the inspiration for many childless women Lesley!
    And I too look forward to reading your new blog!
    Ann x
    Ann Brown recently posted…3 Powerful Questions To Awaken Your Best Business SelfMy Profile


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