What is grace and what does it mean to you?
To be honest until a few months ago grace was one of those abstract concepts that I’d heard of but didn’t think about. Then I was asked to contribute to a book called 365 Moments of Grace.
I jumped at the chance; I mean why wouldn’t I want to be in a book?
I had to write about a time I’d experienced Grace and so if I was writing about grace, I’d better know what it felt like, right?
After some soul searching I decided that grace feels like a combination of joy, peace, excitement and spirituality; a sort of knowing that, in this moment everything is all right in my world.
Looking back over my life I realised that those moments I feel it most are when I’m singing in a choir.
And I also realised that during our quest to have children it left me for many years, so that’s what I wrote about.
You can read my piece below.
What I love about the book is that it shows so many different ways that grace can show for up for us. And although all the stories are different, I’ve learned something from each one. I think we all need more grace in our lives so I hope you’ll take a look at the book.
And as an additional incentive, my lovely friend Helen Rebello over at The Tranquil Path is also featured.
You can read more about the book 365 Moments of Grace here and buy it UK and US
The Gift that Helped Me Find My Voice
For many years, blending my voice with others, with friends and family, in church, at school…anywhere – filled me up and brought me more joy than anything else. Then, 14 years ago, I lost my voice and grace left me too. Six unsuccessful rounds of IVF can do that to you. I was silent and alone, grieving my childlessness. I allowed it to control me, always looking at what was missing in my life rather than on what was still there.
Then, one day I met other women like me, who knew what this silence felt like. I started to speak, tentatively and quietly at first, and I slowly started to rediscover my voice. For 10 years, I struggled to find my true voice. I also started a personal-development journey, learning Neuro-Linguistic Programing and joining a choir. I could feel my voice slowly getting stronger. In time, I felt strong enough to set up a business supporting childless women.
The more I’ve written and told my story, the stronger my voice has become and the more I’ve helped others. Last year, I was interviewed for BBC National Radio and was asked how I feel now about being childless. Before I could stop myself I said these words: “Childlessness is the biggest gift in my life because without it I wouldn’t be who I am and have the wonderful life I have now.” The words shocked me, and I was flooded with joy and grace, just like when I used to sing.
My life isn’t the one I hoped for, but now that I accept it and the gifts it brings, I experience joy and grace everywhere. And when the music starts, I feel my voice rising strongly and joining with the choir to make beautiful harmonies, and I know: This is me. I’ve found my voice.
What does grace mean to you
Are you like me and lost it for a while, or has it been with you all the time?
If this resonated with you, or if it infuriated you, please leave a comment (you can use another name).
This is lovely, Lesley.
I’m thinking back, and I know I experienced moments of grace even in the midst of my grieving. I remember, shortly after losing one of my pregnancies, high on a cliff on a beautiful summer’s day, feeling part of the gorgeous scenery, at one with the seagulls swooping around in the winds. More recently, I think I felt it too when I was volunteering on the ectopic pregnancy site, helping people, knowing my losses had not been in vain.
Mali recently posted…Putting your mind to it: The infertility version
Thank you Mali, both for your support & the realisation that grace is around is should we choose to look for it. It’s reassuring to know that we can find it even when we’re grieving.
This is a beautiful post, Lesley, and a powerful and profound question.
For me, Grace is impossible to define yet totally recognisable when it appears in our lives. It’s like a little bit of the Divine, the One, Source, God, whatever word you use, suddenly breaks through our limited human understanding, expanding our consciousness and sense of connection to the Whole.
These moments are transcendent, beyond our power to recreate, and come unbidden at surprising, seemingly random moments, which are often moments of crisis.
I love the illustrations of your personal moments of grace along the way.
Thank you Linda, I agree with & love your description which is far more eloquent & beautiful than mine.
Lovely.
And while I still struggle with this path that has been given to me, I too choose to not have “regrets”, for every part of this has made me who I am today. Thank you for reminding me of this.
xo
Thanks Kathleen,
yes this path can be a struggle some times & as you say it makes us who we are today.
I, too am grateful for that. xo