A few weeks ago I wrote about how hard I found it to speak openly about being childless, how by not doing so I was hiding my true self from the world and I shared with you my initial experiences of being more open.
I thought I’d update you with my adventures and also share a story I heard on the radio which I feel has great similarities with the quandary we face about being open about our childlessness.
My adventures in being true to me
Over the past few weeks I’ve been settling in to being my authentic self and being more open about my childlessness. I’ve continued to go to business events and introduce myself as a coach for childless women and that has been Ok.
It’s in my personal life where the reaction has been more varied, and, as you would expect some people don’t know what to say, and others have to tell a story of someone they know who had it worse than I have.
I’ve learned that both of these reactions are Ok and more of a reflection of what’s going on with the other person than it is about me. Sometimes if I feel like it I help them out; other times I confess I enjoy their discomfort.
Last time I said that being true to myself had given me an inner strength, and like everything, the more often I’ve practiced, the greater this has become.
I’m a fan of Graham Norton, I love his humour and also the advice he gives in his “Agony Aunt” columns both on the radio and in the newspaper. The other day I was listening to his Radio 2 show and the “Grill Graham” slot really struck chord with me.
The writer was a man with a fabulous life except that he’s gay and no-one knows. He wrote that he “couldn’t face the trauma of coming out,” that “the burden has become so very heavy” and that he was “completely stuck and feeling so very alone”.
Although the situation is different, I imagine that many of you know how he feels because you have or are experiencing similar emotions. Keeping your childlessness to yourself can be a burden and make you feel very alone.
Here’s a selection of the advice given by Graham and his team,
• “Just do it, it’s who you are”,
• “anyone who is living a lie, it takes so much energy, it eats away at you,”
• “you only get one go at this (life), and you’ve already spent x years not being yourself and living a lie,”
• “Whatever you’re doing now isn’t making you happy, therefore the only choice you have is to change something,”
• “Money and lifestyle; all the things we think will make us happy, won’t if you’re not being who you really want to be. .. it’s all about you inside,”
• “(coming out)… won’t necessarily make you happy… but it will stop you having to fake everything all the time and not being the person that you are; those things in life are the most important. Just to like yourself and know that you’re not putting an act on for anyone,”
• “The only person stopping you moving forward is yourself”.
Some pretty hard hitting comments don’t you think?
What has helped me to move forwards has been to accept myself, own my story and be prepared to tell it. And knowing that by owning my story, I get to write the ending.
The team also advised the listener to get some professional help to “prize the lid off”. Please ask yourself what it would take for you to accept yourself, own your story and be prepared to tell it. And if you need help to do that, please find it so that you can lighten the load and bring your true and authentic self out into the world.
I work with childless women who are struggling with negative feelings such as grief and who find it difficult to deal with others. They want to get rid of these feelings and to create a life they love.
I know how you feel because I’ve been through the rollercoaster of infertility treatment and come out the other side without children. I now lead a positive life and am passionate about helping other women to do the same. I am an Accredited Master Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and member of the Association for NLP (ANLP) and Association for Coaching.
So I am perfectly qualified to work with you to banish negative feelings and thoughts, to grieve and heal and when you’re ready, to move on to creating goals, enabling you to achieve your dreams.
I use NLP techniques to identify what beliefs and behaviours work for you and together we will permanently change those which hold you back from being your best.
I will also provide you with regular dedicated time and space to focus on you in a safe and confidential environment and you can share the goals and dreams you’ve never shared with anyone else.
I’d love to work with you, so I invite you to book a complimentary session via my online diary and spend 20 to 30 minutes to get clarity on how we can work together to create a life you love. Alternatively email me at info@LesleyPyne.co.uk or look at www.LesleyPyne.co.uk for more details of how I can help you.