In order to have the life you want; to become who you’re meant to be you have to let go of the past. Some way or somehow you need to leave it behind you, where it belongs.
You know that, right?
And the past means two things:
- The sadness and grief and
- All the dreams you had of motherhood, all the things you thought you would do and be when you became a mother.
I know you want to let those feelings of sadness go because you know how much better your life would be if they didn’t keep coming back.
Perhaps you’re ready to let go of everything, or maybe letting go of your hopes and dreams feels too final.
I understand that completely.
Letting go does feel final.
Letting go feels like actively pushing everything away, with no possibility of grabbing it again. And whilst that’s okay for the negative things, it can feel too final for those hopes and dreams, because you had so much invested in trying to make them come true. And you don’t know who you’ll be without them.
I understand that too.
I’ve been there myself and with clients on my Let Go and Move On programme.
If you think of your life as a story, it will have many chapters. There’s a baby chapter, a school days chapter, etc (you get the picture), and maybe, just maybe you’re stuck on the last page of the ‘trying to have children’ chapter. You don’t want to turn the page because you don’t know what’s going to happen next.
Think about it, when you read a book, you never know what’s on the next page do you? And you certainly don’t know how the story ends.
Life is like that. None of us know what our next chapter will be, or how our story ends, but I do know that if we stay on the same page, there will be no happy ending.
And you know that too.
I understand you may not want to let go, because this page is familiar and you know the words by heart.
Think about it, you can’t read two chapters at once can you? And moving on to the next one doesn’t mean that the previous chapters are erased, you can still go back to them if you want, but now that you’ve moved on they won’t hurt so much.
You don’t have to let go
So if letting go is too much, how about not hanging on instead? How much better would that feel?
What if, instead of jumping straight into a new, unknown chapter, you gently moved across the page so that in a few weeks or months you’ll suddenly realise that you’re in that new chapter?
How to start letting go or not hanging on
Whether you’re ready to let go or not hang on, this first part in the same. You start by doing a sort of personal audit, by asking yourself one or more of these questions:
- What will I leave behind?
- What is it time to stop hanging on to in my life right now?
- What do I want to look back on and say; yes I’m glad I no longer have that?
On a sheet of paper write out specifically what you’re ready to let go of (or not hang on to), forever. Take your time, maybe coming back to it over several days. You could view this as a sort of personal audit; include everything that you’ve had enough of in your life right now, all those things that are stopping you from being who you want to be.
Think about things related to your dreams of motherhood and the emotions attached to them. Be really specific.
Also think about what else you’ve been holding on to that you no longer want in your life; maybe you’ve had enough of fear, anger or self-doubt.
If you’re ready to let go
Rituals are a great way of ‘cementing’ change so the second step is to create a small ritual or some other way of marking the ending. This will draw a line in the sand so that, once you’ve stepped over it you will have permanently left behind those things you identified above.
You could throw your notes in the rubbish, bury them, burn them, tie them to a balloon and let it float away. You could write symbolic words on stones and throw them in the sea or river; the important thing is to get rid of everything in a symbolic way.
Or if you prefer not to hang on
If not hanging on is your preference, then a ritual will be too much just now. The fact that you’ve written everything down has started the not hanging on in motion. So ask yourself what you can do to keep that motion going and before you know it you’ll be ready for a ritual.
How did this resonate with you?
Have you let go or stopped hanging on and if so how did it help you? Please leave details of your experience below, (your name doesn’t have to be published).
If this is all too much, maybe the Let Go and Move On programme could be just what you need. I’ve spoken to so many women who, after having a chat with me realised that what they’re going through is absolutely normal. So if you’d like to do that please book a complimentary session via my online diary