It’s that time of year again and you can probably feel the tension and stress building.
Maybe the idea of hiding somewhere until January sounds attractive but unfortunately that’s not possible. Like an out of control train, Christmas is coming and you can’t stop it. So it’s helpful to prepare yourself as much as you can.
I’m not sure how I feel about Christmas these days. I’m as at peace with not having children as I’ll ever be and not having my parents is tougher to deal with. There are a number of reasons, I guess mainly to do with missing their presence on the day.
There are opportunities
And there are opportunities too. Opportunities to do things a little bit differently, to start our own, new traditions.
Last year, for the first time it was just the two of us over Christmas, so it was quieter, and we took the opportunity to get out into the countryside. This year we’ll have Roger’s mum staying for Christmas and then will be spending time with some of our childless friends. I love the way what we do is changing and evolving; we’re keeping those things we love and making our own mark on the holiday.
I also know there will be times when I feel overwhelmed or triggered by something or perhaps I want to escape. In the past I would have gone with the flow, but knowing and caring for myself better now, I’ll put myself first and do what’s best for me.
Self-care is key
As the holidays will be busy and we’ll be spending most of the time with others, I’ve put aside time in January to give myself time to pause and reflect on the past year and to look ahead to what I want for 2019. Again, this is part of my new policy of self-care.
As you’ve probably realised my key is self-care and I encourage you to make time for yourself too. This can be a challenging time of year for many of us and making time and space for yourself is key.
One thing you can always do is to breathe consciously, here’s a short audio which you can use at any time.
Here are resources for you
Below I’ve listed the links for previous blogs written by myself and others sharing tips and suggestions on how to get through Christmas.
And I’m guessing you will too. Here’s a short audio which, when you use it will make you feel better in any situation.
Here are my blogs:
Here’s a blog by Jody Day at Gateway Women, 4 Tips to Cope with (and even enjoy) your childless Christmas
Support for Holidays, by Mother in your Heart
The truth about being childless, not by choice, at Christmas, by Sarah Roberts
Here’s something to pass on to your friends & family – Tips on how to support an involuntary childless friend from Walk in Your Shoes,
also from Walk in Your Shoes, Robert’s Christmas
Yes, Virginia, There Are Lovely ‘Fertiles’ Out There from Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos
Thinking about Christmas from The Road Less Travelled
The Dreaded C Word from Sarah Lawrence
12 Ways I’m Showing the Holidays Who’s Boss by Infertility Honesty
And a video by a lovely friend Corrina Gordon Barnes, Dreading The Family Gathering? Try This . It’s not written specifically for those of us who are childless but it’s great.
Life Without Baby: Holiday Companion
As Lisa writes on Life Without Baby ‘ When you’re a childless woman, the bombardment of family-focused activities during the holiday season can be enough to make you want to hibernate until January. Lisa Manterfield and Kathleen Guthrie Woods know exactly how that feels, and they have written something that can help.
Holiday Companion is a compilation of humorous, healing, and thought-provoking posts drawn from the archives of Life Without Baby, the international online community for women who are childfree by choice, chance, or circumstance. By sharing their own experiences, survival tips, and insights from their readers, Manterfield and Woods offer encouragement and compassion to help you get through the holidays and get closer to making peace with being childfree.’
And of course you might wish to treat yourself to Finding Joy Beyond Childlessness, where you’ll find plenty of tips and tricks to support you.
Thank you for travelling with me this year and please remember: it WILL pass, YOU WILL get through it. This year will go better than last year and in no time at all it will be January.
If any of these have helped you or you have other tips for getting through the holidays please leave a comment below. Thank you